Statue Worshipers

So yesterday was my 7th week up here in Michigan at Journey Life Church and things could not be better! The weather is absolutely amazing, the people up here are so real and that alone is such a breath of fresh air. My wife and I moved into a house this past week that we're renting and it's absolutely incredible. But there seems to be this missing link, a funk hanging around my spiritual life.

I need you more
More than yesterday
I need you more
More than words can say
I need you more
Than ever before
I need you Lord, I need you Lord

This past Sunday as I was leading worship, there was a point when I looked out into the crowd of faces and I saw statues, hundreds of statues worshiping, stone faces, stone hearts. It almost threw me off so badly in the middle of the last song when I first saw it that I almost stopped singing, and it made me question so many things about how we are doing worship.

"And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice - the kind He will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship Him" - Romans 12:1

So then it became clear to me that exactly how the people are worshiping is how I'm leading them. In the midst of leading the people to God, I have lost sight of where I'm leading them, and that's simply because I have not been to before where I am leading them. I have not given myself completely to the cause. I got lost in the actions and forgot the purpose. The momentum was more important then the direction. I forgot that I need God more... than everything.

It's time to have a change of heart. A change of mind. It's time to focus, to realize what truly matters. I cannot love like I should, give like I should, act like I should, hope like I should, and worship like I should until I realize that simple truth. God I need you more...

April 11th 2012 - Set change week

It's been about 2 months since my wife, Julianna and I have moved up here to Salisbury, NC. Definitely not what we expected. The people are awesome, landscape is incredible. But somewhere along the way, it just seems like what I half expected went WAY off course and what God expected for us was NOT what we were prepared for.

So this is the week after Easter weekend and so begins Set Change again. Even though this happens to be probably the busiest week of the month, I simply love it. It's a chance for my innermost creativity to come out and I can dream up the craziest ideas and figure out how to get them to work. Engineering, creating, designing... love it!

The last time (which happen to be the first time) we did a set change, my sister Sarah and her husband Jason came down from Michigan for a short vacation and got to take part in that adventure. Loved having them here.

I don't get enough time for my family. I miss them tons.

My wife is my world! Love her so much it's crazy. She's incredible, always by my side. I couldn't imagine life without her.

The Counterfeit Purpose - Pt 1

God, 

I could be changing people right now

I don't wanna be here

I don't want to read the rest of this chapter

The pages are blurring together, I can't tell them apart anymore

I just want to skip to the next chapter, I wanna see what's next

I don't care if I may skip a few important lessons

A few things that I need to learn now so that later,

in the next chapter, I'll be prepared... But I don't care

Your plan is taking too long

I could be changing people right now

I could be singing and worshiping and loving...

I don't like the picture you're painting of my life

I see the way the picture of others is turning out and it's not fair

Why do they get the beauty? Why do I get the pain?

I could be changing people

But I'm just a canvas in the mighty hands of the divine painter

Why does it feel like you've dropped the paint brush?

I know I can't paint my own picture

But I can't wait any longer, something's gotta change

I never doubted you before

But now a single question about your plan for me

And I wonder if I was ever even a part of the plan

Was I just riding the "God Wave" for a bit, and now it's gone?

Was I just an intricate part of someone else's plan?

Did you forget me?

A distant memory of how I use to burn for you

Now it's dry, dead... Why am I still here?

I COULD BE CHANGING PEOPLE

This part of my life can't be that important

What am I not learning? What haven't I seen yet?

Do I need to pray the right prayer?

Do I need to not cuss, always tithe and never miss a Sunday?

Is there something I'm not doing to make you upset with me?

Has our relationship faded to nothing over time...?

Have you even noticed? 

We aren't the same...

Why can't I see your fight for me?

Is this a test? Is this a test?

I know your Word, I know your heart

I just can't feel you anymore

And I don't wanna be here anymore

I'll do anything to not be here anymore...

I am being called to let the sun set on this mindset

To be renewed in my mind

To have a change of heart

People here need my obedience to God

"People here" is why I'm still here.

The Counterfeit Shower

I am a counterfeit

I pretend to be something so flawless, so pure, so spotless because I'm "better than you", or so I tell myself. I try to pass my fraudulence as genuine. I am fake down to my core.

But I can't blame myself. I am surrounded by a civilization of people who would rather sellout to themselves for a glimmer of hope that someone might accept them for who they're not, and lose all honor and courage to be someone who is real. I knew nothing else growing up. I was destined this way.

But I've began to hear the call and lose the religiosity.

For years I was addicted to pornography.
It bound me.
It choked me.
But man she was such an incredible secret.

She always convinced me that I wasn't "in that deep"
That I barely looked at it
And that I could stop at the drop of a hat
She was always so comforting
And she didn't care what kind of a day I was having
She was always willing to help me escape
Make me feel needed

But it wasn't until later in the day that my dirty little secret caught up with me...

I can remember when I was in my prime when it came to song-writing. I was about 22 years old and I would have all these ideas for songs and play and write them in the mornings, but it wasn't until later, when I was in the shower, when all of the "brilliant" ideas really came to pass. Anyone a shower singer? Ha well I'm not at all, but I would say the exception is when I have song ideas, I'm singing and I can just HEAR the band playing along, all the pauses and lead guitar parts and everything in-between. It was so divine how God could use a time like that to inspire such creativity. Even most of my messages when I was a youth pastor would come from ideas spawned while I was washing. But I don't think it's a coincidence at all actually.

It was while I was in the shower when my secret love life would really begin to bear down on me until I gave her everything in my empty soul, and masturbation was inevitable.

Do you think it was just an accident that all her lies, all her comfort led to the destruction of the very place that God moved in me the most?
The very place that God wants to give the craziest, best ideas, cast the most vision in me, and have the most incredible prayer time came from the very place that Satan attacks me the hardest. It's no coincidence. It's no accident.
It's the battle field when you pray the hardest
But it's the very same battlefield where she convinces you she comes in peace and asks "why are you fighting? I'm not the enemy.
Just put your guard down for a second and I'll explain the whole thing. In fact, I've been watching out for you. I saved you, when you hated yourself, I gave you something that made you feel better. Can't you see it?"
If she can keep me just out of reach
Just at that place where I feel I can get out whenever I'd like, but also at the place where my guilt keeps me from connecting with God's heart

It's not about the sin, no matter which one it is, cause they're always gonna keep coming
It's about your heart
God wants your heart, no matter how guilty it may "feel".
It's about being raw. Being real.

What's your shower? Where's the one place that Satan keeps attacking because he knows that's the one place you grow and connect and love and feel and really believe...

Some might think I'm crazy for posting this
But there's not enough raw, real people in this world
We need to expose sin for who she is

Counterfeit Church - The Found Ones

The Counterfeit Church – The Found Ones

I’m sitting on a plane headed back to Fort Lauderdale right now remembering the fresh conversation in my mind that I just had with an elderly gentleman about church and all the churches he’s attended, or been involved in, the problems over the years, complaints and things that he wouldn’t trade for the world. I sit and think about over the past 50 years how much church has changed, especially here in America. Can’t help but ask, is this what God intended for our church to look like? I mean, if God really is who He says He is, and how truly incredible He must be, and there’s a special house that’s His that I’m welcome to go to and hear all about Him, to encourage me and lift me out of my mess, and actually have the opportunity to KNOW Him and who He is…? And He actually knows me? And loves me?... And… I dread waking up on Sunday morning… Why? Where did we go wrong? What questions are we not asking because we’re afraid of the answers?

I walk in through the front, tall glass doors to a smiling face 

Someone who shakes my hand and hands me a bulletin of all the upcoming events 

and it says who is teaching that day and maybe even a “fill-in-the-blanks” on the reverse side. 

I fold it up because I honestly don’t care. 

I quickly scope out the room, seeing if there’s anyone I know 

scanning my brain violently to remember the names of those I’ve met a thousand times before 

people just not big enough in my life to let them make a difference. 

I break in through more doors into the sanctuary and frantically look for “my seat”… 

the place where I always sit because that’s where I “hear God the best” 

that’s where “I can worship the best”. 

After the opening song and a quick greeting from the worship leader or a random pastor, 

I get to “meet” someone new… again. 

More worship from people I secretly judge 

because I see their facebook pages and see the stuff they do from Monday through Saturday, 

makes worship tough and seem superficial. 

Songs of lies. 

Then the message… Make sure not to step on my toes preacher man. 

In fact, give me some “feel good” stuff that I can take home so I can sleep good tonight 

because Sunday is about me. 

I need my "forgiveness tank" filled up again too. 

God knows I need that...

I accidentally notice shortly after church that the worship leader 

gave a cold remark to one of the other band members, 

and at that point it’s quite clear that the worship leader 

is VERY confident in his abilities and what he believes in 

even if it’s not exactly what the church believes 

and he doesn’t like a few of the other members. 

I could almost feel the tension between the worship team members as they were walking out. 

Wonder if that effects anyone trying to worship? 

Isn’t someone who has a bitter heart leading worship kind of an oxy-moron? 

It became clear to me at that point that the church really depended 

on the worship leader for many things to run smoothly Sunday morning

and they had decided that they were “ok” if there were 

some SERIOUS issues with the core of who he was 

because in this modern day church, Pastors are 

reluctant to press discipleship into the leaders 

because most people in the church aren’t interested in discipleship. 

They just want to be able to lay their head on the pillow at night 

and “feel good” about what they’re doing. 

So if the Pastor or the accountability person pushes them to look at themselves 

or to look at their junk, they’ll bail. 

They’re out. 

Not interested in discipleship 

in change 

in the God outside of the box they’ve built around Him. 

So it’s just safer for the Pastor NOT to say anything 

to the cocky worship leader who KNOWS the service leans on him 

otherwise the Sunday morning will fall to pieces. 

And he’s made it clear he’s not gonna change 

but rather things are gonna go his way. 

And trust me 

there are plenty of churches out there who WON’T ask the touch questions 

so we’re pretty sure he’s not afraid to bail. 

So let’s just turn a blind eye to some of the things he does 

some of the way he treats other leaders 

and how he leads, 

and so that way we know Sunday will go smoothly... 

So let’s join this church 

plan to do a bunch of Outreaches and “reach this city” 

because they need Jesus… 

Let’s “get them in the doors” and get them saved!! 

We’re not really interested in revealing our own junk really, 

because we’re leaders 

and staff 

and members of church 

we don’t really deal with junk. 

In fact most of us don’t really have junk. 

The people out in the city are our primary concern 

because they are the lost ones. 

We are the found ones 

why would we need to deal with us anymore? 

We’re found, right? 

And that’s the purpose, right?

[Matt 28]

 Discipleship is kind of a lost cause anyways

 it’s too complicated 

gets messy. 

We’re here to “seek and save those who are lost”… 

Guess we haven’t really asked what we do now that we're the found ones...

guess we seek and save more, right? 

We’re not really interested in our own anyways 

just give us a small vial of Jesus 

a quick shot in the arm once a week 

kind of a “feel good shot” to keep us coming back 

so we can forget the pain in our lives 

sleep good at night. 

Kinda sounds like heroin… 

"Need my Jesus!" 

"Really need to go to church this Sunday!"  

Oh don’t worry new visitor 

it won’t hurt too bad. 

We’re not gonna go to deep 

just a quick shot in the arm 

the pain disappears for a bit 

and you’re right back to your life. 

We’re not gonna ask you to change anything 

come just as you are. 

Join a small group 

become a greeter 

get involved. 

In fact, you don’t have to change a thing about your “private” life either 

you know… even the things you put on Facebook. 

No one will ask because God takes you as you are 

and besides you’d fit right in. 

Just look at the worship leader… 

Just give us some money 

put on a smile 

shake a hand 

maybe even a hug 

and ask your friends to come too

cause I’m sure they’re hurting too…

Is there a part of this day that God actually intended? Is He really the reason we do things? Is He really our motivation? Just because we do things in the name of God doesn’t mean He actually has anything to do with it… When the rich young ruler came to Jesus and asked how to get to heaven, Jesus told him all the things he was already doing, and he KNEW this. If in his heart he would have been satisfied with “doing” all these things in God’s name then he never would have asked. Jesus simply said, “you lack…” Discipleship. He didn’t want to look at himself. All he wanted to do was to “do things” and put the “God” stamp of approval on it so he could feel good at the end of the day. When are we gonna stop “doing” things for God, doing things in church with the “God” stamp on it and start looking at ourselves? When are we gonna go deep? When is the church gonna offer a not a shot in the arm, but rather open heart surgery…? We don’t need a shot in the arm, we need a change of heart.

The Beginning

So how do you start the first blog? What should it say? Well I guess I should start at square one, but in doing that I had to ask myself a very simple question, but one of the toughest questions in my life… Who am I?

                                       (Houston, TX... Dirty)

 I’m sitting in an airport terminal in Atlanta, GA getting ready to board once again, flying this time to Houston, TX. And as I was sitting here, I asked myself such a simple question… If I could’ve looked at myself and who I am today 5 years ago, am I the man that I had hoped to be? Am I as strong as I wanted to be…? Am I as loving? Am I as adventurous and daring as I once hoped and dreamed? Or somewhere along the line did I keep making small compromises ultimately resulting in living a life I often criticized others for…?

The truth is I am a counterfeit.

I answer this question of “who am I” and I begin to realize that almost every part of my day is made with the intent to pass my fraudulence as something genuine, and I think for the most part it’s harmless, but I do not realize the enormous destruction made in tiny everyday compromises.

See there are just too many areas of my life that are simply counterfeit and I’m tired of it. Work, school, church, my love, family, friends and every layer in-between. If I were to strip off all the layers of deceit and deception, would I even recognize myself?

So here I am, every part of my self-built kingdom stripped away, exposing the truth; who I really am. And over these next few months I’m going to break down different parts of my life and expose the deception hidden in the corners of comfort and compromise until every part of my life is reduced to the foundation of who God made me to be. ~ Matt 21:44 ~

In Matthew 28, Jesus called us to “Make Disciples” and the scary thing about that is that in doing so you end up duplicating yourself into others. Jesus did this perfectly. I do this with huge repercussions because of the junk in my life, and it’s the junk that tends to be duplicated the quickest. So step 1 in making disciples: Deal with yourself. That’s what this blog is all about, Me dealing with myself; and maybe somewhere along the line someone reading this will come to a point of breakthrough in their life because they realize that if they want something they’ve never had, they have to do something they’ve never done… Ask the question: Who am I?

Credit to Matt Hagsten for these inspiring words. You're changing a nation my friend...